I am in a terrible mood, I reallly am.  This girl that lives in our apartment complex  has taken to bullying my daughter. K came home in tears hysterically upset because this girl T decided to tell her to “move your white a$$ out of that seat so my freind can sit there,” K told her “Im not moving please leave me alone” then this girl proceeds to tell my child  “well if I punch you you’lll move” then goes on to say how she is ugly and no one likes her and everyone hates her and she’s fat, stupid etc and if she tells the bus driver that she’ll punch her after they get off the bus.

Now the bus driver had been made aware of this issue the last time it happend, K is supposed to sit up front, but she said there were no seats and that the kids in the front  wouldn’t move when she asked them if they could change seats with her because she’s supposed to sit next to the driver. 

The driver told me she has problems with this girl every year, and if she talks to T’s mom that it stops for about a week, then its the same old thing again.  I have been outside with K and this girl and her friends just pick on K relentlessly.  K walks away and they keep on poking at her.

The  darkness  in me wants to tell her to punch this kid so hard in the nose that she breaks her nose and tells her “don’t ever mess with me again” But I know I cannot do that so I don’t do that.  Im tempted to go and  yell and scream at this kids mom and ask her what the hell is wrong with you allowing your child to act that way, if my daughter pulled any of the crap this kid does she would  get spanked the way my dad spanked me a belt across the ass. 

I got treated like crap in school, I still get treated like crap by some ppl.  Many ppl ask me why I don’t have more freinds, why Im not more social and outgoing, and the truth is this:

I am sick and fucking tired of being hurt all of the time!!!!!!!!!!!!I have freinds and they know who they are, they mean the world to me because they treat me the way I treat them.  They keep my secrets, they listen to me, they” talk me down from the ledge” when Im ready to toss everything away.  Sometimes all we need is somone to listen to us, and tell us I know how you feel then relate their same struggles to them so they know we do get it we do understand. 

If I am freinds with somone I am their freind because I geuninaly like them. Im not their freind because of their stuff, or for a place to stay, or to have a babysitter, or a nanny for my kids. Im not their freind for their money, or their car, or because they got a huge big screen tv and order every pay per view wrestling match that ever comes out.   Im not their freind when I need a ride someplace, I don’t borrow their car when mine’s broke down and run all their gas out of it, I don’t expect them to stop everything they are doing to do things for me then get pissy when they don’t.

If I have somone watch my kids, I return the favor, if I use their car (seldom do I do this) I give them money or put money in an envelope with their name on it and seal it, and I don’t give a paltry 2 dolllars, I give them at least 10, 20 if I’ve ran with their car longer than an hour.  If  they can’t afford to go out to dinner and I say I’ll treat them I don’t lord it over their head like “I do blah blah blah for you”  I don’t tell them they are too fat, or too skinny,  I don’t criticize what they wear because I don’t care if their clothes come from Sean John or Salvation Army. 

I don’t call them when I am bored, or when all of my other friends are busy, or not call them for months only to call to ask them to do something for me.

If I am someone’s friend, I am their freind until they give me reason not to be. That takes a lot on their part, they have to really hurt me, use me one time too many, sleep with the person Im dating , steal from me, hurt my kids constantly treat me like Im not good enough to be their freind all of the time, things of that nature.

I do not care what anyone says I know that its very true that Kids live what they learn!!!! If you’re a bully to people your kid will be one, if you’re rude and never say please or thank you, your child will do the same thing. If you place a high value on money and possesions your kids will do that too.  You cuss your kids will talk like a drunken sailor on shore leave!!  Ever watch the Osbournes???  every word out of Ozzy’s mouth is  a cuss word, Jack and Kelly cuss a blue streak, Sharon didn’t cuss much unless she was mad then she’d let em fly now I love that family loved the show but those kids are proof positive that they learned what they lived.

I always tell K to be nice to everyone, never to make fun of anyone because of how they look or what clothes they have on or what they look like. 

Im poor finacially because stupid me did what I was raised to do, got married had kids and did whatever my hubby told me to do.  He didn’t want me to work so I didn’t he didn’t want me to go to college so I didn’t.  At 36 I am working on my Associates Degree. thirty f**in six!! by now I should have 2 degrees! Not working on my first one.

Because of abusive a^hole ex hubby I have a lot of things that make me disabled all of the abuse took a huge toll on me, mentally , emotionally, and phsycially.  If I could handle working I would. So because of those things we live on a very fixed income.

We have what we need most of the time, which to me is more important than the “buy buy buy” mentality,  that some people I know have.  If Im paying 60 bucks on clothes for my kids they had better get more than “6 peices” or “6 outfits” ( to me an outfit is a top and a bottom , not just  3 tops and 3 bottoms but 6 complete outfits)  they had beter get enough  clothes to last at least 6 months or even a year.  Hence the reason we shop at thrift stores.  Im not paying 80 bucks for my shoes, let alone paying that for my kids shoes when they will outgrow them in 6 months if not sooner.

I tell my kids even if you don’t like someone, you be nice to them. If you can’t stand them don’t talk to them period. Don’t call them, don’t hang out with them at the park or at their house, just keep your distance.  You can say hello if they say hi to you first but you don’t have to go farther than “hi, how are you?” I just see no reason to bully somone, or to be a “frenemey” you know those ppl?  The ones that pretend to be your friends and then talk crap about you behind your back? The ones that put down your home, your car, your clothes the way you look, the way you do things.

Ive figured out that when people act that way its because they really have low self-esteem. Regardless of how they act or what they say.  Why else would you feel the need to put somone down if not to make yourself feel or look better in somone else’s eyes?  There are also those people that have to brag all the time about themselves.
Their accomplishments, their stuff, what they do what they can have. Im all for somone having a great self esteem but do you have to act like a conceited ass about it?

Do you honestly think no one will tell you that your new hair cut looks good, or that they like something you’re wearing or the fabulous meal you spent 3 hours making? 
Personally I don’t really pay all that much attention to people’s hairstyle or their nails, or what they have on or what they have at their house, because I try not to be caught up in materilistic crap!  Im more concered with how somone acts, how they treat themselves, how they treat others, even how they treat animals.  If a person is good to themselves but more so to others ( because trust me i don’t always take good care of myself but i take great care of others)  then that shows me what kind of person they are.

Once again with my kiddo I called the bus driver, bus barn and school counsler. I told her from now on if there are no seats in front to ask the driver where she should sit.  Im going out with her to the bus stop tommow, which is probaly going to embrass her and really irratates me, because this girl like my kid is in 6th grade, at that age they shouldn’t need a parent to “police their behavior”  they should know enough  about how to act and their parents should be teaching them how to behave. That is your job as a parent, to teach your kids how to live in the real world.

The real world is not going to coddle you, its not going to hold your hand and make your bed for you. It won’t clean your room, or do your chores, it won’t just hand you over freinds or a lot of stuff because that is what you want.  As my dad used to say to me and my brothers “Im not your freind, I’m your parent, I’ll be your freind when you’re 20 and out of my house”  That is how I parent my child.  Im her mom not her freind she has to do her chores whether she wants to or not, I teach her to be polite and respectful whether she wants to be or not. I teach her to be honest, to work hard, to be true to who she is. In the end that’s all we really have, ourselves and if we are lucky we have real freinds , who matter to us as much as we matter to them.